What You Expect, You Get

I love the people I work with.  They each have such a great spirit to serve others, which is definitely what you want in a café.  But when it gets really hard is when they can’t please a customer.  I’m so grateful that all the employees tend to accept responsibility when something goes wrong, and try to make it right.   But sometimes you just can’t please a person, and that’s when the employees tend to get frustrated and shut down.

Wayne Dyer tells a story of walking along the beach one day and encountering someone who said, “I just moved here and was wondering, what are the people like in this area?  Where I come from, the people are really hostile and self-centered and always in a rush.”

Wayne responds, “Oh, you’ll pretty much find it the same way here.”

Then, a little further down the beach, another person comes over to him and says, ” I just moved here and I’m new to this area, and was wondering what the people are like around here.  Where I came from, everybody was great – very friendly, warm and neighborly.”

Wayne replies, “Oh, you’ll pretty much find it the same way here.”

When a customer comes in and comments on how nice the place looks, how interesting the menu is or that we have a great beer or wine selection, we know they are expecting a great experience – and you know what, they pretty much get it.  They also tend to be extremely gracious if something is out of stock or if a mistake is made, but rarely are mistakes made with these types of people.

On occasion, a customer comes in with their bad day, on the defense and expecting things to go wrong.  Guess what?  It does. We may have our best people working at that moment and unconsciously they will screw up royally to meet the expectation of that person.  I sometimes wonder if it’s the fear we have toward an abrasive person, but ultimately I know that we can’t please everyone regardless.

So what I notice are a couple of things:

-         When we are doing our best, we can’t blame ourselves when there is another person involved whose experiences, mood and expectations are set for negativity.

-         We CAN affect our own reality with honest expectations for good outcomes.

-         We are all responsible for our own happiness in life regardless of what is happening in other peoples’ lives.

-         We are not responsible for another person’s happiness.

How much happier could we be if we could just embrace this truth?

Noticing Great Expectations,

Bernadette Peters

Noticing What A Difference a Year Makes

Pat reminded me this morning that on this day last year, we were snowed in a cabin in the woods, alone, fearful and trying to make the best of a really bad situation.  We had no idea what the future held for us.   I had no job, we had no home and had left behind some really awesome friends in Atlanta who were a huge support system for us.

A wise person once told me that our emotions respond the same whether we are experiencing the present, remembering the past or imaging the future.  We had left our happy past behind us in hopes for something good in the future and we were experiencing the dark present and decided that we needed to dream and imagine what our future could be like as if it were happening right now.

Dark, cold days of last year.

We spent almost 3 months in those cabins, our belongings in storage, snowed in 3.5 weeks of it with a lot of time to just BE.  We imagined various possibilities of what our lives would look like, where we would live, what we would do, how we would contribute to our community – and most of all talked about what was most important to us.

Now, just one short year later, we live in a beautiful home in the most awesome town, filled with some of the most wonderful people you will ever meet.  With the help of an amazing team and the community itself, we have created a café that truly belongs to the community – a warm place where people connect, share great food and drink and express themselves artistically in many different ways.  Networking happens there, love is sparked there, friendships are created and people have gathered around others to support them in their personal and family challenges.  And we have the privilege of watching it all happen and hearing all about it!  Wow – what a difference a year makes!

In the words of REO Speedwagon, if you’re tired of the same old story, turn some pages.  – Roll with the Changes

If we can imagine better things, we can achieve better things.   It takes vision, passion and patience.  Figure out what you are passionate about.  Script out the next phase of your life and watch it unfold!

Noticing Positive Changes,

Bernadette Peters

Why is it so Taboo to Talk About?

Anything really?  Why are things “not discussed”?  Believe me, I think we are getting better at talking about things as new generations come around.  I see it in my own home with my grandmother and my parents.  My partner and I think its ridiculous – some of the things they or their friends won’t talk about – and mostly to protect an “image” of some sort.  Our generation is better to some degree.  At least we talk a little more openly about our financial challenges and goals, difficulties raising kids, health issues, etc.

Older generations are amazed that we discuss these things so openly and often ask me why.  Well, in my experience, when I talk about things, solutions come.  I find that I have friends who are experts in a particular area, know someone who is or have gone through a similar situation and can share insights.  It just makes life easier to talk about things and embrace the help that can come from the community around you.

In my former community of Decatur, GA, I experienced the so many benefits that come from being open with friends, sharing challenges and sharing possible solutions, but I had years to cultivate those relationships.  And I trusted my close friends to connect me with others I could trust.

That was my biggest fear in moving to North Carolina to start a new life – leaving my friends.  I didn’t know anyone and I realized just how much I leaned on my Decatur community for support.  But I’ve got to say that Sylva has really surprised me in a good way.  I’ve met some really awesome people.  They LOVE to rally around those who need it and create amazing positive changes in the community.  They created an awesome Bridge Park and playground, got the old courthouse renovated and moved the library up there, and saved a beautiful historic home from being converted to a parking lot by rallying together and working hard to accomplish things we all now benefit from.

Granted, one of the things that comes with a small town is the rapid spread of information, but you’ve got to be ok with that – even laugh at the stuff that’s not true.  But I’ve found that if you talk about things here, the record does get set straight, and the resources you need will come your way when you encounter challenges.

I can name numerous cases in the short time I’ve been here, and as a result, I have an amazing staff at the café, a great physician and chiropractor, and advisors and supportive friends of all kinds.

Recently our community has lost several small businesses that we miss dearly, and several more are on the cusp of closing.  I don’t know many of those owners very well, but I suspect that if they could be open with their friends and supporters early enough, a shift can take place.  Members of the community may pitch in and even just the increased intention on positive change by many people can make great things happen.  We’ve just got to talk about it!

Noticing the Need for Chatter,

Bernadette

Noticing Aging – Lorne, Rose & Marge

We all have different views of aging and death – some shaped by our experiences with seniors, some by religious influence and some by just observing the community around us. One thing I know for sure is that nothing is certain and that life is too short to worry too much about it. So through the eyes of 3 people, I will ponder it for a moment.

Marge is 94 – she’s my grandmother and exactly 50 years older than me. She outlived my grandfather by far. She’s sharp and still mobile via her deluxe walker, but there’s a lot she can’t do for herself. Shakiness and the challenge of learning new things are her biggest hurdles, so she has to rely on others. She hates that, of course. She’s always been very independent, on-the-go and social. Although she has a glass of wine every day at happy hour, she sometimes comments that maybe she shouldn’t drink it because it makes her live longer. She’s outlived pretty much all of her friends and many of her siblings. Her close friends are younger and that helps, but she often wonders why she is still here.

Lorne was sixty something. He’s the dad of one of my best friends, and last year I had the privilege of mountain biking with Lorne and his three sons. Lorne pretty much out climbed us all. He lived in Evergreen, Colorado and mountain biked there practically every day. He was a lot of fun and full of life. Because he was healthy, active and lived a pretty low-stress life, I’m pretty sure he didn’t consider himself “old” and probably didn’t think much about his life ending anytime soon. But his life did just end. And my friend is still questioning, “why him?”, as we all are who knew Lorne.

Rose is 80. She lives across the street from the café and has entertained and inspired us ever since we met her. She’s led a cool life containing a variety of experiences, walks her dog “Sphinxy” several times a day and loves her new town of Sylva. This woman is amazing. She’s very positive and when you ask how she is, she mentions that she gets to live here another day. She had a cardiac event the other day and had to spend the night in the hospital. I was anxious to see her and when I did, she said that she’s ok with staying here or moving on to the “next thing,” meaning whatever comes after death.

Truth be told, I want to be like all of them. I want to live life to the fullest now without worry or fear. I want to enjoy my environment, people in my life and what does work in my body. I want to be ok with whatever comes today or tomorrow. I want to fix what is wrong and never give up, and when its my time – for changes in life or transition in life, I want to allow the best for me and for those I love. I might have 50+ years ahead of me or not much at all, but I’m thankful for today and what I get to experience in this moment.

Change the Way You Look at Things, and Things Begin to Change

I was stuck in a funk for a few days.

We all get there at one point, and you wonder how you will ever get out of it.  I think because our “funks” are mostly tied to some sort of reality in your life.  If you don’t see a way for that reality to change, you feel stuck.  We may not have the power to change those circumstances right away, but we can work on changing that funky feeling by noticing the subtle things occurring in our lives.

When we look back on life experiences, the good, the bad and the funky times, we realize that at that time, we didn’t know what was next – what the outcome would be.  In hindsight, we often see that there was some divine reason that certain things happened, and we say, “things worked out the way they were supposed to.”  Not so easy in the foresight department.  And if someone does say “things will work out the way they’re supposed to,” we often want to rip their head off.

What I Did: So I tried a little experiment this time in my funk.  I expressed a desire to change my perspective rather than focus only on changing my circumstances. I expressed it only to myself, and made commitment to make the most of slow, quiet times to notice what was happening.

What I Noticed: People come and go in the café.  So many bring me smiles and love, and that alone lifts my spirits.  But in the busyness, I rarely notice the content of their conversations.  The other day, I noticed deep, rich conversations among a few folks who stayed for quite some time.  Later my partner said she joined them for a bit and felt very inspired.  I thought how that kind of interaction in our space could be an energy “blessing” of sorts to all who entered long after they left.

What Happened: Sure, noticing helped my perspective, and I felt better, but I also wanted some great things to happen.  And the next day, something great did happen – a surprise, even.  Our long-awaited energy grant was applied as several men came and installed our brand new air conditioning system.  There was a sense of excitement among the staff and patrons that we might actually not have to struggle so much to keep everyone cool.

And then it gets even better. . . I found out that the air conditioning in my sister’s cabins went out.   Something tells me that she fell into an instant funk thinking about having to replace those units, but I was able to give her good news that we now were able to free up the brand new window units at the café for her to use since we didn’t need them anymore.  That’s synchronicity.  And that makes me happy.

Wayne Dyer Says, When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  I love that because not only our perspective and the way we feel about things can change, but things in our world also begin to change.

Noticing Change Inside & Out,

Bernadette Peters